Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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