Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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