i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
