Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
