my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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