just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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