Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
