It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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