I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
