im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
