at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
