You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
