Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I smell stomach acid.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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