i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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