It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
