Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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