Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
