It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
