Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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