smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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