its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
