I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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