Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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