That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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