It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
