i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
