so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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