Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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