when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Randomize