"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
