my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
