I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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