WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
