The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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