highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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