I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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