Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
