did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my phone needs a breathalizer
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
