I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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