I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
