I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
