Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
