Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
