The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
