I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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