I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
