Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
