There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How's work?
Spinning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
