I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
