Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
