I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
