at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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