We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
