youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
