Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize