I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
