Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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