we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
