is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
