your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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