I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
