when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
