hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize