also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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