am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
