Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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