Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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