you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
