Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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