omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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