Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
