My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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