Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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