I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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